Help

For a person who people don’t people with 🏵️

I am not a danger to myself. Yet. But I truly am abandoned. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do. People don’t people with me. I can’t figure out how to do this thing that is life. I know the world is on fire. I matter. I just don’t have people who agree. What’s a person to do?

Fuck my life. Bless my soul. My family gathered for Easter dinner, a holy day, and did not invite me. I am a good person. I need to be an example of never giving up, but — damn.

There may be three people in the world I will send this to. I don’t know why I am abandoned. Again. Well, maybe they will succeed in breaking me. I slept, but I’ve woken up in a cold sweat. I really have so few people that I can ask for sanctuary. I’ve found that people say one thing about caring and do the opposite. I am being punished by my mother. Still. For daring to tell the truth. I don’t know what to do. To my own family I am a garbage person. I really don’t know how to survive this. Please help me.

When author E. Jean Carroll turned 81 in 2024, she asked contestants to write their autobiography in 81 words. I was a runner-up.

E. Jean Carroll is a journalist and advice columnist. She wrote for Saturday Night Live. She’s written for magazines including Vsnity Fair, Esquire, and Playboy. She was Playboy‘s first female contributing editor.

This is my 81 word autobiography.

As a child bride,

my mother lied, and lied

until my father died.

Gertrude had needs

and a ravenous greed,

we played Hillbilly Hamlet,

my father a damned man took his own life.

It cut me like a knife.

I married, had children

then went into a tailspin.

Pieces of me left.

“Be at Peace” was my thesis.

I grew smaller and larger.

I lost family and friends in the end.

I am lonely it’s true.

Also happy

and new.

✨By sward 🏵️🗡️🛡️🔪💫

This morning I am not happy. I am alone. In a way that I don’t understand how to resolve.